LAID TO REST(2009) Entertaining and gory slasher film from Anchor Bay Entertainment that
harkens back to that particular sub-genres heyday , the good
ol' 80's. This is everything that the
awful HATCHET claimed to be. I went into to this expecting something mediocre at best but in the end i was
pleasantly surprised. We start out with a girl waking up inside of a coffin with no memory of who she is or how she ended up there , she looks around and
See's a figure outside dressed in black with a mask that is a chrome skull ,
hence the killers name , Chrome Skull , and a video camera strapped to his shoulder messing around with some corpses.
The mysterious masked man notices she is awake , she escapes and the chase is on. Throughout the whole movie he will
eliminate everyone and everything that stands in the way of him
catching his prey and if your a
gore hound you will be tickled pink (or should i say red?) with the bloody results. The motivation of the killer is never explained , which is fine by me , in my opinion that just makes him seem all that more ruthless and brutal . This movie is exactly what the original slashers were , movies that tried to come up with inventive and disgustingly bloody ways to kill people and it succeeds in
spades. If your looking for deep meaning and symbolism this
ain't the movie for you but if your a die hard slasher fan like myself you should dig it. Two
dismembered thumbs up!
BLOOD(1974) A film by B-movie master Andy
Milligan and like most movies by
Milligan this is a strange , low budget slice of drive in cheese , stinky moldy cheese. A doctor who is a werewolf is married to a woman who is a vampire ,
supposedly the grand daughter of Count Dracula. They move to America and live in a house with
their weird assistants and a bunch of
carnivorous plants. The plants are used in experiments the Doc is conducting to try and cure his
lycanthropy and his
wife's 
vampirism and the
servants are used as guinea pigs and suffer physical and mental disabilities as a result of his failures. I
dont know why he goes to all the trouble he does to cure his wife , the
don't like each other , they tell each other every few min. "i hate you". For what its worth , and this is not
necessarily praise here but this is actually one of
Milligans better films , but for some reason its not as widely known and is very hard to find , there are some
DVD-r copies floating around on the
Internet and if you look hard enough you my find it if you for some reason think you need this. For those not familiar with
Milligans works , the best way i can describe it to you is it is the lowest of low budget drive-in cinema , an art that has been lost in this day and age , it takes a certain type of patience to sit through this kind of stuff , i
personally love this kind of shit , i grew up going to the drive in and saw
endless amounts of cheesy flicks so
Ive built up a tolerance to low budget absurdity.
BORDERLINE CULT(2007) Wow, this is probably the least entertaining and annoying film i have ever seen in my life , so sub par in fact people like Andy
Milligan and the other B movie filmmakers of the 60's and 70's look like fucking geniuses. Directed by
Ulli Lommell , who directed the 1980 drive in classic
BOOGEY MAN , who in recent years has been reduced to directing other direct to
DVD drivel. There is not really any plot here to speak of at all , just a bunch of spliced together segments with
absolutely no motive or sense about them at all.
Virtually no gore to speak of , nothing at all to
attract even the biggest bad cinema fan. A woman takes other
women to a house that is apparently on the US/Mexican border , where this guy that looks like Drew Carey tortures and kills them, there is another guy wearing a top hat who buries the bodies. At some point in the film each character looks directly into the camera and talks about themselves for 2 or 3 minutes and
that's about it as far as any
narrative goes. At the end of the movie Mr. top hat guy says "we're done" , the woman says "420 , i
like that number" and they then turn and walk away and the credits role , no
explanation , nothing to tell us why they killed these people. This is beyond bad , crap ,
doo doo. It hurts my feelings that someone would waste money and time making junk like this , an absolute waste of film . Avoid at all costs.
FEAST(2005) Highly enjoyable gore filled fun that is one of the better horror flicks of the 2000's . This is the winner of the 3rd Project
Greenlight , a foundation/contest run by Matt Damon and Ben
Affleck to help new filmmakers get their movies made and distributed , i
applaud them for picking and taking a chance on a film like this
instead of some sappy love story or
cgi filled action drivel. The patrons of a rural bar in a small desert community are forced to fight for survival against a pack of carnivorous monsters who are hell bent on eating them, not much background is given on where the monsters come from but
that's o.k. , there is enough positives things going on here to make that not matter. Filled with over the top gore scenes and characters that are killed almost
immediately after being
introduced , it keeps you thinking throughout , who the hell is going to survive , the ones you think are going to be the hero are killed off as soon as you get to know them , this is one of the points that makes this so good , it makes the viewer feel that the characters might as well just let themselves be
eatin because there is no hope for survival anyway , just total desperation. Violent , gory , shocking and one of the few horror films that actually has funny attempts at humor , this succeeds on all levels. Even more impressive knowing this is the directors first film.You should
definitely check this one out!
SEE NO EVIL(2006) WWE wrestler Kane (Glen Jacobs) stars in this , the first horror movie produced by the wrestling company who are trying to branch out into other forms of entertainment . While this is flawed its not nearly as bad as a lot of other reviews that i have read made it out to be. Long time porn director Gregory Dark helms this slasher about killer Jacob Goodnight who uses an axe and a hook on the end of a long chain like a
lasso and kills and plucks out his victims eyes and then stores them in jars in his lair which is located in an old
abandoned hotel. A group of
juvenile delinquent teens are sent to the hotel to clean it unaware that the reclusive killer is hiding inside. Along with the teens is a cop who had a previous run in with Goodnight a few years
earlier , which we see in the intro to the film. Each of the teens is introduced via pop up text on the screen detailing what there crimes were , i thought this to be a pretty cool element , not something you see everyday. Throughout the film there are flashbacks showing
Goodnight's messed up childhood with his religious zealot mother who used to lock him in an animal cage and a little background on how his penchant for eye plucking began. Another cool detail in the movie is when the killer is about to strike flies start buzzing around his head. The setting of the hotel is
a good choice , perfectly gloomy , dingy and dirty , the type of place you would expect a murdering maniac to hide out. Kane also does a
commendable job as the killer , his days in the
WWE certainly helped with his acting ability , his wrestling character for those of you who are not familiar with the sport is that of a
monstrous , hulking and brutal man who was set on fire by his brother (The Undertaker) and now he just wants to hurt people. The pacing is just about right , not to much time is wasted between the good and plentiful gore scenes. I was actually
surprised with the amount of gore here , i was expecting it to be pretty tame since
WWE targets its programing to younger audiences , this is
definitely not for the kiddies. So even though the plot is not exactly the strongest this is a decent movie overall , much better than i actually expected it to be.
KNOCK KNOCK(2007) On the surface this looks to be nothing but some low budget
slice'em and
dice'em slasher film , which it is , but its a little more , its also a homage to the
giallo films of Dario
Argento and other like minded Italian
filmmakers and the director here has apparently watched a
butt load of the flicks because he cops the style perfectly. The downside to this is that most of
Argento's films are style over substance , they look great , there is
plentifully gore and creepy settings but they
don't necessarily have the best plots and this can get a little confusing sometimes. I'm saying this as an
Argento fan , i love a lot of his movies but they do tend to be nothing more than surreal , dream like
set pieces that make little sense. I
didn't really know what to expect going into this , i did after all pick this up for only 5 bucks at a mega super department store on a Halloween end cap , not necessarily the kind of place you expect to buy a masterpiece of cinema. I kind of thought it was going to be some cheap looking shot on video mess that looked horrible but as i stated before the it looks great but
everything else is middle of the road at best. A killer is knocking off a towns teens in gory
fashion based on the type of work their fathers do and the reason for this is because , once again in typical slasher movie style , it's because of a cruel
joke that was played on him by this particular set of teens fathers and he was horribly disfigured . Even though this is not bad
impetus to get the blood a
flowin' It's been done before countless times , there is
absolutely nothing here that we
haven't seen a
bazillion times before , teens get into typical horror movie teen situations and get killed by the maniac and the cops investigating the murders are some of the most cliche ridden characters ever put to film . The
fx are another point of contention , even thought the gore is decent its nothing spectacular and the make up for the killer is pretty
sucky , it looks like a bad paper
mache mask or as i read somewhere else , it looks like his face is covered in wet toilet paper. Not a terrible effort but nothing to write home about either.
The mysterious masked man notices she is awake , she escapes and the chase is on. Throughout the whole movie he will eliminate everyone and everything that stands in the way of him catching his prey and if your a gore hound you will be tickled pink (or should i say red?) with the bloody results. The motivation of the killer is never explained , which is fine by me , in my opinion that just makes him seem all that more ruthless and brutal . This movie is exactly what the original slashers were , movies that tried to come up with inventive and disgustingly bloody ways to kill people and it succeeds in spades. If your looking for deep meaning and symbolism this ain't the movie for you but if your a die hard slasher fan like myself you should dig it. Two dismembered thumbs up!
BLOOD(1974) A film by B-movie master Andy Milligan and like most movies by Milligan this is a strange , low budget slice of drive in cheese , stinky moldy cheese. A doctor who is a werewolf is married to a woman who is a vampire , supposedly the grand daughter of Count Dracula. They move to America and live in a house with their weird assistants and a bunch of carnivorous plants. The plants are used in experiments the Doc is conducting to try and cure his lycanthropy and his wife's 
vampirism and the servants are used as guinea pigs and suffer physical and mental disabilities as a result of his failures. I dont know why he goes to all the trouble he does to cure his wife , the don't like each other , they tell each other every few min. "i hate you". For what its worth , and this is not necessarily praise here but this is actually one of Milligans better films , but for some reason its not as widely known and is very hard to find , there are some DVD-r copies floating around on the Internet and if you look hard enough you my find it if you for some reason think you need this. For those not familiar with Milligans works , the best way i can describe it to you is it is the lowest of low budget drive-in cinema , an art that has been lost in this day and age , it takes a certain type of patience to sit through this kind of stuff , i personally love this kind of shit , i grew up going to the drive in and saw endless amounts of cheesy flicks so Ive built up a tolerance to low budget absurdity.
BORDERLINE CULT(2007) Wow, this is probably the least entertaining and annoying film i have ever seen in my life , so sub par in fact people like Andy Milligan and the other B movie filmmakers of the 60's and 70's look like fucking geniuses. Directed by Ulli Lommell , who directed the 1980 drive in classic BOOGEY MAN , who in recent years has been reduced to directing other direct to DVD drivel. There is not really any plot here to speak of at all , just a bunch of spliced together segments with absolutely no motive or sense about them at all. Virtually no gore to speak of , nothing at all to attract even the biggest bad cinema fan. A woman takes other 
women to a house that is apparently on the US/Mexican border , where this guy that looks like Drew Carey tortures and kills them, there is another guy wearing a top hat who buries the bodies. At some point in the film each character looks directly into the camera and talks about themselves for 2 or 3 minutes and that's about it as far as any narrative goes. At the end of the movie Mr. top hat guy says "we're done" , the woman says "420 , i like that number" and they then turn and walk away and the credits role , no explanation , nothing to tell us why they killed these people. This is beyond bad , crap , doo doo. It hurts my feelings that someone would waste money and time making junk like this , an absolute waste of film . Avoid at all costs.
FEAST(2005) Highly enjoyable gore filled fun that is one of the better horror flicks of the 2000's . This is the winner of the 3rd Project Greenlight , a foundation/contest run by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck to help new filmmakers get their movies made and distributed , i applaud them for picking and taking a chance on a film like this instead of some sappy love story or cgi filled action drivel. The patrons of a rural bar in a small desert community are forced to fight for survival against a pack of carnivorous monsters who are hell bent on eating them, not much background is given on where the monsters come from but that's o.k. , there is enough positives things going on here to make that not matter. Filled with over the top gore scenes and characters that are killed almost immediately after being
introduced , it keeps you thinking throughout , who the hell is going to survive , the ones you think are going to be the hero are killed off as soon as you get to know them , this is one of the points that makes this so good , it makes the viewer feel that the characters might as well just let themselves be eatin because there is no hope for survival anyway , just total desperation. Violent , gory , shocking and one of the few horror films that actually has funny attempts at humor , this succeeds on all levels. Even more impressive knowing this is the directors first film.You should definitely check this one out!
SEE NO EVIL(2006) WWE wrestler Kane (Glen Jacobs) stars in this , the first horror movie produced by the wrestling company who are trying to branch out into other forms of entertainment . While this is flawed its not nearly as bad as a lot of other reviews that i have read made it out to be. Long time porn director Gregory Dark helms this slasher about killer Jacob Goodnight who uses an axe and a hook on the end of a long chain like a lasso and kills and plucks out his victims eyes and then stores them in jars in his lair which is located in an old abandoned hotel. A group of juvenile delinquent teens are sent to the hotel to clean it unaware that the reclusive killer is hiding inside. Along with the teens is a cop who had a previous run in with Goodnight a few years earlier , which we see in the intro to the film. Each of the teens is introduced via pop up text on the screen detailing what there crimes were , i thought this to be a pretty cool element , not something you see everyday. Throughout the film there are flashbacks showing Goodnight's messed up childhood with his religious zealot mother who used to lock him in an animal cage and a little background on how his penchant for eye plucking began. Another cool detail in the movie is when the killer is about to strike flies start buzzing around his head. The setting of the hotel is
a good choice , perfectly gloomy , dingy and dirty , the type of place you would expect a murdering maniac to hide out. Kane also does a commendable job as the killer , his days in the WWE certainly helped with his acting ability , his wrestling character for those of you who are not familiar with the sport is that of a monstrous , hulking and brutal man who was set on fire by his brother (The Undertaker) and now he just wants to hurt people. The pacing is just about right , not to much time is wasted between the good and plentiful gore scenes. I was actually surprised with the amount of gore here , i was expecting it to be pretty tame since WWE targets its programing to younger audiences , this is definitely not for the kiddies. So even though the plot is not exactly the strongest this is a decent movie overall , much better than i actually expected it to be.
KNOCK KNOCK(2007) On the surface this looks to be nothing but some low budget slice'em and dice'em slasher film , which it is , but its a little more , its also a homage to the giallo films of Dario Argento and other like minded Italian filmmakers and the director here has apparently watched a butt load of the flicks because he cops the style perfectly. The downside to this is that most of Argento's films are style over substance , they look great , there is plentifully gore and creepy settings but they don't necessarily have the best plots and this can get a little confusing sometimes. I'm saying this as an Argento fan , i love a lot of his movies but they do tend to be nothing more than surreal , dream like set pieces that make little sense. I didn't really know what to expect going into this , i did after all pick this up for only 5 bucks at a mega super department store on a Halloween end cap , not necessarily the kind of place you expect to buy a masterpiece of cinema. I kind of thought it was going to be some cheap looking shot on video mess that looked horrible but as i stated before the it looks great but everything else is middle of the road at best. A killer is knocking off a towns teens in gory fashion based on the type of work their fathers do and the reason for this is because , once again in typical slasher movie style , it's because of a cruel
joke that was played on him by this particular set of teens fathers and he was horribly disfigured . Even though this is not bad impetus to get the blood a flowin' It's been done before countless times , there is absolutely nothing here that we haven't seen a bazillion times before , teens get into typical horror movie teen situations and get killed by the maniac and the cops investigating the murders are some of the most cliche ridden characters ever put to film . The fx are another point of contention , even thought the gore is decent its nothing spectacular and the make up for the killer is pretty sucky , it looks like a bad paper mache mask or as i read somewhere else , it looks like his face is covered in wet toilet paper. Not a terrible effort but nothing to write home about either.
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